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Hartford Courant
South Coast Insider
Hartford Courant / December 2007
GOURMET PALS
SHE BRINGS SINGLES TOGETHER FOR DINNER, CONVERSATION
Hartford Courant - Hartford, Conn.
Author: Gail Braccidiferro
Date: Dec 14, 2007
Section: BUSINESS
ABSTRACT
Downsizing forced Deborah Steen, of Stonington out of her 23-year career with the telecom equipment company Nortel Networks about a year ago. Single Gourmet's website makes it clear it is not a dating service, but socializing is a prime motivator for joining.
PHOTO: (Not Included); Caption: "IT REALLY IS a dinner party," says Deborah Steen as she arranges place cards at her singlegourmet.com/ct event at Bee & Thistle Inn in Old Lyme.
FULL ARTICLE:
Downsizing forced Deborah Steen, of Stonington out of her 23-year career with the telecom equipment company Nortel Networks about a year ago. That was the impetus she needed to make a major career change.
Combining her early professional experience as a school counselor with her first-hand knowledge of the travails of a single professional, she began the region's first chapter of The Single Gourmet. The Internet-based social networking group brings together single professionals who enjoy good food and conversation.
Steen, 54, makes it clear to members that she's not a matchmaker; she doesn't even give them contact lists. Members meet at restaurants, gather for cooking demonstrations or join for an evening of dinner and theater.
There are about 20 chapters of The Single Gourmet in the country and members enjoy reciprocal guest privileges in all chapters. The local group's license encompasses eastern Connecticut and Rhode Island, including both the Hartford and Providence metro areas.
Q: How and why did you get involved in operating a Single Gourmet chapter?
A: I started out wanting to do something different. I'd been in a high-pressure sales position for more than 10 years. I was burned out. I spent a lot of my adult life single. My husband and I got married when I was 48 years old. I was very familiar with all the types of things a professional woman does when they are single. One of the things I liked to do was go out to eat. I liked to have nice conversations and I liked to meet new people. I looked into what it takes to open a new chapter of Single Gourmet and that's when I discovered it is not a franchise. It does require a license to use its name and there is a territory that you agree to. Each chapter of Single Gourmet is owned and operated independently.
Q: Single Gourmet's website makes it clear it is not a dating service, but socializing is a prime motivator for joining. What are the benefits of membership?
A: I have to be very clear that I am not a dating service. That is very important. Some of that is coming from the fact that there are more women than men that are joining. It tends to be people that are saying: 'I like to go out to eat, I'm interested in different restaurants from a culinary or gourmet aspect, I happen to be single, so maybe I don't have the opportunity to go out with a spouse or a boyfriend and I also like to sit at a table and have conversation.' There's an emphasis on friendship and conversation. The reason people join is they're interested in conversation. They're interested in meeting new people. It could be somebody who's new in the area. It could be somebody who's going through some other transition in their life, recently divorced, recently widowed. It could be somebody who says 'I've been giving all my time to my job and I realize I need to get out more.' I find people who say: 'I have lots of friends, but all my friends are married and sometimes it's nice to just have conversations with people who are single.'
Q. With Single Gourmet groups all around the country, what are the unique features about this particular group?
A. All the other chapters have been in existence for eight to 10 years. I'm the only one that is new. Most of the other chapters are in major metropolitan areas. I do incorporate Hartford and Providence and I plan to grow to those areas, but I started first in the area I live in. There are events about three times a month. I have members from North Haven and Branford, to, on the other side, I have a member in Bristol, R.I.
Q. What does it take as a business person to start this type of group and keep it going? What are your primary responsibilities?
A. My major costs are advertising. I would say the next responsibility is to plan the events. It takes forethought. We do go out and try the restaurants. We research them. We look at reviews. We're also trying to balance location, type of food, cost. I'm looking for everything - it's type of food, it's quality of food, if it's going to be interesting. I try not to go to a place that I think everybody's been to.
Usually, what I end up doing is picking items from the menu. I choose a variety. People want to have something that the restaurant is known for. We are a gourmet club. I arrive at the restaurant early so that I can understand where we're seating. I talk to the host or hostess, the waitress assigned to us. I also usually have place cards and set up a seating chart. I accommodate those who are shyer with those who are less shy. It's like a dinner party. I greet people when they come in. We almost always have somebody arriving new and they are nervous. I'm always greeting somebody new and introducing them to the people there. I do very much try to keep the conversation going. We always encourage people to come to more than one event. You can have a totally different group of people and can have a very different experience.
Q. Some people say with rising gasoline prices and other costs, they will be eating out less. Is this a challenge for a group like yours?
A. I do know I have some members who, because they are on budgets, they have made promises to themselves they will come to an event once a month. The promise is saying: I need to make an investment in myself. The membership fee is not high, but the cost of the dinners is not inexpensive. It comes down to how you want to spend money. The emphasis is gourmet and friendship. Don't forget the friendship. We're not out there just looking for singles. These are singles that have an interest in fine dining.
Q. Most of your members are 35 to 69 years old. Why this age group?
A. That is a wide age group. The bulk of my members are actually in their 40s and 50s. I don't feel I'd appeal to somebody who is younger than 35, but on the older side, I do have a lot of interest, to the extent that I'm going to start having events that are just for seniors. I get calls from folks who only want to come if it's 60-year-olds and older. They feel they'll have the most in common with the older people. I do have people who are over 60 who are perfectly happy with the current events, so it's a mindset.
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South Coast Insider / February 2007
Look for love
in all the right places
By Kim Ledoux
Valentine’s Day. The ultimate day of romance in our culture. For those with
a special someone, it may be filled with cards, flowers, chocolate and heart shaped
jewelry. But what if you have not yet met the right person, are a widow or have been through a divorce?
If someone is in their early 20s there are many opportunities to meet other people. College activities and night clubs tend to be geared for this age group. It is when people become older and busy with careers and perhaps children that the whole dating scene becomes more of a challenge.
www.SouthCoastInsider.com / February 2007 23
Match.com
Match.com is an on-line dating service
that has made significant innovations in
both its programming and safety features.
When asked why someone would go
looking for their true love on-line, Match.
com spokesperson Kristin Kelly points to
the “sheer choice and possibility” that the
site offers.
There are thousands of people who
subscribe to Match.com, ranging in age
from 18 to 80, with the average age being
37 and the fastest growing segment being
over the age of 50.
The service works by having people
create free profiles of themselves, which
Kelly says are designed to “showcase
all things wonderful and unique about
you” and may include up to 26 photos.
Viewing profiles of members with their
sophisticated search engine is also free of
charge. Communicating with someone
on the site requires a subscription, which
starts at $29.99 per month.
With the huge number of choices on
Match.com comes the time required to
search through all of the profiles and
messages to find possible candidates. To
cater to those who want something more
efficient, Match.com launched a program
called Chemistry.com in 2005 under the
guidance of biological anthropologist
Helen Fisher, Ph.D.
“Unlike all of the other dating and relationship
sites, Chemistry.com matches
not only by compatibility, but also by
chemistry because chemistry is really
important to romantic love and forming
deep, long-term relationships,” says Dr.
Fisher.
Done entirely on-line, this program
involves Match.com counselors and a
staged communication process whereby
compatible members first answer questions
on-line, move on to freely chatting
and then finally meet for a 15-20 min.
“chemistry check” in-person.
After a meeting, the members fill out
feedback questionnaires, which are considered
when making future matches.
“The focus of Chemistry.com is the
science of human attraction led by Dr.
Fisher,” says Kelly, thus in the future the
service “may also involve testing blood
and saliva samples for levels of such
things as testosterone.”
Although the science of love may be
chemistry, computer science seems to be
the way to go to ensure safety at Match.com.
“Safety is really, really important at
Match.com,” says Kelly.
The primary way the site promotes
safety is by protecting its members’
privacy. The people using the service
have complete control over when and to
whom they give out information, such
as their name, telephone number and
address.
Kelly also credits their “dedicated fraud
and abuse team” that reviews every profile
(15% are rejected) and “constantly battles
to keep up with scams.” One way that
the team gathers intelligence is via easily
accessible links for members to report
fraud, abuse or inappropriate behavior.
As with other dating services, Kelly
admits that “once they are dating and on
their own we really don’t have control
over what happens,” so she suggests using
caution when dating a new person.
Safe dating tips include telling a friend
or family member where you are going
and when you plan to return, meeting
in a public place for the first few dates,
keeping an eye on your drink, and always
carrying a cell phone and cash for cab
fare home.
The Single Gourmet
A unique organization that always
meets in a public place is called The
Single Gourmet. The purpose of this club
is for groups of singles to get together and
enjoy fine dining.
Deborah Steen, Coordinator of The
Single Gourmet of Eastern Connecticut
and Rhode Island, says that her business
allows singles to “have fun and socialize”
without the pressure of having an
arranged date. In fact, Steen points out
that The Single Gourmet is not a dating
service at all.
“When my husband, Michael, and I
wanted to start a business we researched
dating services and found out that there
are a lot of complaints from unhappy customers,”
says Steen, “These people want
you to find their true love, and when you
don’t of course they are disappointed. So
we decided we wanted to do something
different.”
The Single Gourmet has chapters all
over the country and caters to a mature
and sophisticated clientele. Although the
focus is on coming together at upscale
restaurants, many chapters have broadened
their activities to include events
such as a Thanksgiving trip to Las Vegas
and golf outings.
Can attending a Single Gourmet event
lead to love? Perhaps. Steen says that
while they are appreciating fine dining,
“singles have the ability to see each other
on a repeated basis.” This can naturally
lead to a more private connection.
To ensure privacy, The Single Gourmet
does not give out addresses and phone
numbers unless they get permission from
the people involved.
“Sometimes a member will come to us
and say he is interested in another member.
We will usually relay the information
to the other member and let her know
that he would like to see her at the next
event,” says Steen.
Clients pay a membership fee (set by
each chapter) plus costs associated with
each event. A one-year membership with
The Single Gourmet of Eastern Connecticut
and Rhode Island is $175, which
also includes guest privileges for events
through other chapters.
Eating at a table for one on Valentine’s
Day can certainly be depressing, but the
South Coast does offer ways for singles of
all ages to socialize and enjoy life.
Bill, 48, from Quincy, has had experience
with a number of dating services
and is still actively seeking that special
woman. He says it can be hard to meet
other people because of work and other
responsibilities, but he refuses to give up
the search.
Bill advises other singles to “look at
dating as a series of job interviews. Decide
what is important to you and then
determine early on if she is someone you
want to date.”
Terry, who says her search is now over,
wants to tell everyone who is alone that
“There is hope,” and “It is possible to love
again.”
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